2016 has been a year of movement for me.
A year of learning to let go.
Why is it, that I seemed to be a spectator of my own life? My body was going through the motions while my mind and my heart were sitting in this indescribable limbo, guarded by stone walls and masochistic thoughts. I lacked connection with everything and everyone around me. I’ve come to the conclusion it was due to the fear of disappointment, the fear of failure, the fear of everyone leaving, the fear of losing everything I loved.
My over-analyzation and the self-doubt would constantly eat away at my soul, only to leave an endless void.
A constant numbness. An endless sadness.
I would do this subconsciously, never knowing that the one thing preventing myself from happiness was not anyone, or anything around me, but everything inside of me. And to finally realize this is to realize it’s time I pick myself up.
So, this year has been a year of movement. It’s been a difficult and slow process; and by no means finished. The process of letting go of the things that have kept me emotionally isolated for so many years is a constant battle within myself and I am finally allowing myself to live in the here and now, to live in the moment, and to take in everything that life will give me. I want the pleasure and the pain, the joy and the sadness. I want to open up my chest and let the sun shine in. I want to really understand what it feels like to love someone. I don’t want to hold myself back anymore. I want to be able to say how I feel, always. I want to be myself, and be okay with it.
I want to be free.
You are a victim of the rules you live by.