“It’s so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint-it’s a physical thing, like it’s physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don’t come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people’s words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.”
This is one of the most relatable, realistic quotes I’ve read about depression. It truly is.
There’s so much going on in your head that nothing comes out right, if anything comes out at all.
I have a friend, having a really hard time right now, and I being the person who has to fix everything, can’t figure out how. It’s impossible to do anything, because I know how hard it is when you can’t physically talk. It’s heart breaking to watch someone slowly disappear into themselves, while all you can do is stare, with that impossible lump in your throat, and tears spilling over your lower eyelid.
So anyway, for input, I’m going to ask everyone that may or may not follow me, that will read this, that will glance at it, blah blah blah.
I have two books of an artist that he really liked when we went to the art museum, I have pot holders because he doesn’t own any, and I have a letter explaining that he’s an incredible human, but I won’t ever push to make him talk to me. In addition to all these things I’ll send him, I’m thinking of sending him little coupon cards for stuff like, “when you want to go break bottles down by a railroad track” or “when you need to punch pillows or walls” or “when you need someone to be there, but not be there.” or “when you want to look at glassdoor and look at other jobs you’d like and also soundbites cafe is awful so we can laugh at that together.”
I don’t know, I like this guy, thought he liked me, but of course he’s getting slightly distant. I’ve been there. He just wants to start over, to get his life back together, and I fully understand that. Not everyone can be lucky enough to hit rock bottom and actually find their way back. It’s hard, and they lied to you when they said, “it gets better.”
It rarely gets better, but when you need it most, sometimes you get that little ounce of hope that helps you handle things better. I don’t know. I’m so needy, and clingy, and annoying that I almost just want to send the stuff and if he sees it, that’s awesome, if he doesn’t, then maybe I’ll just give him space.
UGH. GUYS. Why is life so hard? Why am I being such a girl?
WHY CAN’T I ANSWER MY OWN QUESTIONS?
anyway, any help would be so terribly appreciated.
Like, when you’re going through your depression, your dark skies, and your lethargic hopelessness, I know nothing helps, but what would you want someone to do?
again, HELP. anything is appreciated.