Well, I’m.. Terrible, Thanks for Asking.

I’m tired of people asking how I’m doing.
I’m tired of people asking if I’m “okay.”
I’m tired of others telling me how to feel and what to think.
I’m not one to be shy about my feelings or thoughts or frustrations, trust me.
I will feel angry, and hurt, and used, and sad, and numb, and disappointed: in time.
Better yet, I will be angry or frustrated or sad or mad or whatever the hell I want to feel, when I want to.  When I actually feel it.

I’m not mad. I rarely get mad over things now, because it’s so pointless to me.
What did being mad get me?
Two years of being so angry I couldn’t grow into who I needed to be.
Two years of constant pain trying to figure out if we could be civil again.
Two years of a false hope because there was no in-between: just anger or happiness.  Two years of thinking I wasn’t enough, when in fact, I was more than you deserved.
Two years of forgetting all the horrible, because I was afraid to lose the good.
Two years of hating myself more than anyone else ever could.
Two years of ruining myself for people that weren’t worth it.
Two years I will never get back, because I could never move forward.

So how does one answer the question, “how are you?”
if you’re like 7% of people on here, you’ll say, “uh.. this is a blog. so..”
And the other 93% will say, “I’m great, how are you?” because it’s a natural response.
Because naturally, you can’t tell someone, “well.. god be roasting my ass again. First.. blah blah blah and THEN.. ” because more often than not, the cashier at Target didn’t want your life story, she didn’t realize asking this simple question would cause you to cry in the middle of the store with only two registers open and a long line of people behind you, she was just being polite and going through the motions of typical human interaction.
Sometimes, life isn’t that great.  You lose your Charlie Card when you’ve just reloaded it for the week.  Walmart stops selling your favorite ice cream.  You get a black eye from passing out and hitting your face on a recycling bin, because you’ve clearly never donated blood before.  You get in a car accident after buying someone lunch and almost fail that assignment where you have to take care of a baby, because the doll flew into the front seat and nailed its head on the window and didn’t cry for eight hours.
You don’t have to pretend life is great when you’re having a few setbacks. You’re allowed to be real and honest and raw, but sometimes, the best response to “How are you?” is “I’m terrible, but thanks for Asking.”

“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you. ”
-Josh Shipp

do not let the world make you into this hard, bitter, hateful person.
Be angry, and selfish, and unforgiving.
Be kind, and understanding, and real.
Be whatever you need, for you.


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