summer’s over

you were all the seasons of the year.
one day you would be summer; always lovely, telling me I was beautiful and how we were meant to be.
other days you were winter; cold and harsh and pushing me away.
making me feel inadequate, constantly feeling as if no matter what I did, I could never be enough.
almost always, you were autumn; slowly but surely, shutting down and falling apart.
watching this secret internal storm made me take pity on you.
I feel sorry for you.
I feel sorry that you’ve lost someone who loved you so much.
someone who would have burned themselves alive just to show you how brightly you shine – you will never find someone else happy to be that selfless.
you let your insecurities eat at you, the disdain you had towards yourself still fueling the thought you didn’t deserve someone as kind and loving.  in spite of all those lies you told, you were right about one thing: you were never enough. 
you never made me feel completely fulfilled.
I watched as you constantly broke yourself down, but you utterly destroyed me.
now, I’ve found someone who treats me the way I treated you, but you will never find someone who cared for you more than I did.
but you’ll continue your days as seasons; some days as sunny and bright, and others as just plain old cold, harsh rain. you’ve lost me, and that’s devastating, and I, I will always be sorry.

B.

-excerpt from a book I’ll never write
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