do you remember who you were

before you were afraid of everything?

They ask, “how are you?
and suddenly the world spins.
You feel like atlas, holding up skies and stars and just once, you want to let it collapse.
Let it fall and burn until there is nothing left but you and ash.
i want to take away all the memories you have of me.
the ones where i’m laughing. the ones where i’m shaking silently. the ones in half-light. the ones with my arms draped around you. the ones at parties with your friends. the ones where we sang. the ones where you kiss me and i turn pink. the ones in bookstores. the ones where you meet my parents. the ones where we lose sleep together.
the ones where i love you.
oh, the ones where i loved you.

– excerpt from a book I’ll never write
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