I’m trying to say I’m sorry

I’m sorry that you’re turning into all the people that have hurt you.

What I’m trying to say is that I know you never answer my calls, because I’m telling a story you’ve forgotten the words to.
I’m spelling out the alphabet and you see only in numbers.
I’m trying to say that I kissed you and my lips felt empty, but I did it anyway.
What I’m trying to say is that those days when I told you I cared for you, you looked for her words in my mouth and I searched for him in your eyes.
What I’m trying to say is that I’m feeling less like myself.

What I’m trying to say is that I used to love more than this.
What I’m trying to say is that I’ve lost it.
I have so much to give and you can’t stop yourself from taking.

– excerpt from a book I’ll never write
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