maybe nothing is ever the same after

you want to kiss her.
because maybe she kisses you back.
maybe you are lying awake in your bedroom in the dark, with the dull talking of movies surrounding you. with her reflection on the screen.
and her arm against yours.
maybe you turn to her and you kiss her.
and for a moment it’s terrifying.
and for a moment it’s so much peace.
maybe she moves the hair out of your eyes and kisses you back.
maybe her fingers intertwine with yours.
maybe all the pieces fit together, your bodies collapse into each other.

and maybe she doesn’t.
maybe you lie there for hours.
sitting on different continents with the sheets lifting oceans between you.
your eyes watch her and neither of you move.
maybe the credits roll and she doesn’t look at you.
maybe your mouth runs dry.
maybe that’s how you spend the rest of your life.
wanting to kiss her but never even reaching her.

– excerpt from a book I’ll never write
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