baby there’s a shark in the water

good morning, lovelies.
I’m starting my new job today, and I am absolutely terrified.
okay, I’m more afraid than normal.
I’m afraid that I’ll be a complete failure at this job.
I’m afraid I’ll be terrible at this job and won’t know how to do it properly.
I’m afraid I’ll ask a stupid question and they’ll fire me because I’m not the person they thought.
I’m afraid that I won’t be able to help.
what if I’m not making a difference?
what if I’m not a good person?

I shouldn’t be afraid of failure, because I fail at things on the daily.
I’m not graceful, I can’t dance, I’ll never be able to reach the top shelf in the cabinet, my singing was described as “you should have your own children’s CD.”, I can’t figure out how to win level 426 on Dots, and a multitude of other failures that I don’t even know where to begin.
I literally fail all the time, but this is different.
This is the one thing I truly want, my dream job for the moment.
No, a stepping stone, the first stepping stone, to my dream job.
(Also, this is not the “one thing” I truly want, but career-wise, ya know..)

honestly, I’m just scared.
loving G has reassured me that I’m just overthinking everything, and he’s probably right.
he almost always is.
he has also reassured me that they wouldn’t have hired me if I weren’t capable of doing this job. I’m literally filled with so much love and gratitude because of the wonderful people in my life, and it’s a new feeling/experience.
I’m afraid, but I also know that I don’t have to be alone in this endeavor.

SO: I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay to be scared.
it’s okay to worry.
it’s okay that I feel the world is too much for me at the moment.
it’s okay to feel what you need and work through it.
it’s okay to stick your hands up and ask/accept help.

you can’t have have your shit together all the time, and that’s okay.
what’s not okay is being so afraid to try, that you give up before you could fail.
don’t sabotage happiness because of fear.

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