nice try

I’m happy now, you won’t see my writings on here anymore.

when asked how i got over everything

Just imagine how much of the old me I had to give up just to get here.
I’m always killing my past selves.

– excerpt from a book I’ll never write

not all of us do

it’s just going to be like this, huh? i’m going to walk around with nightmares and what you did to me sitting in my stomach like a rotting peach and i’m just going to swallow hard and keep walking and i’m just going to have to live like this, knowing you’ll never apologize, knowing i don’t get closure, knowing i never get to yell at you until i shred apart, knowing that i’m going to shred apart.

and you get to live your life and forget about me and scoff about how im crazy or making shit up or how i’m just dramatic. you get to keep going, laugh about it, shrug it off. we both know i’m melodramatic. that my personal narrative is all messed up. that i make shit up.

like, it must be nice. showers are probably just showers for you. no standing in the water picturing what i’d say, what i’d do, how i’d show you. you get to walk away. that must be nice.

– excerpt from a book I’ll never write

11:25 pm

When you claimed you were working late and instead found yourself in another woman’s bed in the dark, each body part melting into the next, and then regretted it the following morning, you told me it was a moment of weakness.

It wasn’t.

That was your moment of truth.